The Sub From Hades

By Seth Huber

Once there was a really boring kid in an interesting school in an average
But that really boring kid was....well....really bored. He was bored with
life; he
was a kid who never asked any questions. He didn't even watch TV. Nobody
wants to be really boring. But the really boring kid liked being really
Nobody knew why. Some people are like that.. His name was R.B.-I hope you
can guess why.
That really boring kid had a friend(why he does I do not know). And
that friend wasn't boring. He was completely the opposite.
He couldn't seem to be able to stay still for more than 2 minutes and 4
seconds. He couldn't seem to be quiet for more than 4 minutes and 2 seconds.

He asked questions like, "What are atoms made of? And if you split a bread
crumb atom, will it blow up? And why did Hitler hate Jews? And how can the
universe be infinite?" He was getting to be a minor, little tiny,
microscopic, less than atom size problem in school. His name was R.H.-Really
His teacher was not very different. The teacher couldn't stay still for
more than .2 minutes and .4 seconds. She couldn't be quiet for more than .4
minutes and .2 seconds. But she was a great runner and reader. Her name
was Ms.Couldntbequietifmylifedependedonit. Most people called her Ms. C.
The school itself was very peculiar. It was made of emerald, ruby,
sapphire, saffron, bronze, silver, ochroid, ivory, ebony, diamond, and gold.
very expensive school. It was towering high and it needed elevators to get
the top. Some elevators were so huge that they were special elevators for
small classes. Room 16, 13, 24, 11, 5, and 7892 were elevator rooms. They
went up and down, up and down, all the time. The teachers were strange too.
Not just Ms. C, but a lot more. Like Ms. B. Asic in the Computer Room, and
Illi Terate in the Media Center, and Mrs. W. Atchout, the principal. The
teacher named Mr. I. C. Antspell, the math teacher named S. Quarer Oot, and
the science teacher, Dr. Frank N. Stein. It was a very strange school. Now
the real story.
One Tuesday morning, Ms. C was absent in room 24. A thing came that
would send shivers down any regular student's spine. A substitute. His name
was Mr. Vexatious. He was mean, scary, and just plain abominable. He also
had big ears. He was famous for turning SSR into SAR-Sustained Aloud
Reading. If there was one, he would have won the award of Giving Out Tons
Of Homework.. He was notorious in the school district for canceling lunch
recess. The worst part about him is that he would make you read your book
report aloud to the school if he knew you were shy.
As soon as he walked in the shiny garnet door, the class didn't like him.
His eyes slitted evilly as he eyed the petrified class.
"I can see that you abhor me," remarked Mr. Vexatious remarkably. "My
rules are 1: you never talk unless I tell you to, and 2: you never get up
out of
your seat unless I ask you to. Those are the two prime rules. Break them
you might get an unpleasant surprise."
This being said, he looked at the list the teacher had given him to do.
The top of it said:
{ }
{ Things to do }
{ 9:00-9:30--> Math }
{ 9:30-10:00--> Reading }
{ 10:00-10:30--> Recess }

"So it's math now. Everybody get your books out." uttered Mr. Vexatious
Everyone did.
"Turn to page 54 and do pages 54 to 74. You have 30 minutes. Now,
start multiplying." expressed the sub expressfully.
But in half a minute, R.H., whose talking and moving limit was up,
vaulted up out of his seat and started babbling. He couldn't help it. The
looked at him and snickered.
"I'll bother with you later," said Mr. Vexatious. R.H. timidly got back in
his seat and closed his mouth.
In 30 minutes, everyone was done. The papers were turned in.
"Get out your reading book and read ëHow to Make Sure That Your
Vacuum Cleaner is Safe and Not Radioactive' by Howsh Oul Diknow until
10:00.", Mr. Vexatious said.
At the 10:00 recess, the substitute stated,"Time for recess. You can go
when you--WAIT!! You can go when you spell ëMississippi' backwards. R.B.,
you first."
R.B. came up to Mr. Vexatious who was grinning nastily, turned around
so the sub could only see his back, and mumbled, "M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i."
Mr. Vexatious nodded, realizing that it might take long with 29 more kids and
he wanted to hurry.
28 more kids stepped up and spelled the word really backwards, with
the 'i' in front and the 'M' in back. When R.H. zoomed up, Mr. Vexatious
"Fasten your oculi and approach nigh me.", said the smirking sub.
"What?", asked the jumpy junior.
"Close your eyes and come with me.", said the impatient substitute
He did. R.H. felt himself being led somewhere. It was a long walk.
Finally, he was told to stop.
"Open your eyes.", said Mr. Vexatious.
When he did, he couldn't believe what he saw. It was one of the most
embarrasing places to be. He was in...THE GIRLS' BATHROOM!
"You will stay in here for 30 minutes," said Mr. Vexatious. "I'll be
waiting outside. Oh, by the way, here is your friend R.B. He has to do a
page test. You also have to lean against the wall and do nothing and not
I'll be watching."
So they started. But R.H. got bored and R.B. got excited. It was a
harrowing experience. When R.B. finished, he sat there. Nothing else
happened for around 4 minutes and 3 seconds. Then R.H. supersonicly
"R.B., do you want to play "Rock, Paper, Scissors'? You do? Okay, come
over here. I'll show you how to play."
So R.H. showed R.B. how to play "Rock Paper Scissors" and when they
started to play, R.B. found out that he loved to play that game. He also
out that he was a capital scary-story-teller. They both played together for
minutes, but then someone came to go to the bathroom. They looked to see
who it was, and it turned out to be....Mr. Vexatious. He had come to get
When they got out, school got canceled because the principal got
Areallyyuckygrossfever. So they got their stuff and ran home and R.B.
changed his name to N.R.B.-Not Really Boring. They played "Rock Paper
Scissors" until R.H.'s mom came in and showed them how to play "Petrified
Finger" and "Hand Slappers".
N.R.B. went and found more hand games at a Super Crown bookstore,
and he also found a bunch of books about activities that use your brain. He
got three computer games, "SuperFly", "The Incredible Machine", and "Myst".
But when he got home,he forgot how to turn on the computer and had to wait
until tomorrow because it was 7:38 PM; then tomorrow he got R.H. and they
installed the programs with incredibly long setups, much like this long
sentence, and they finally got it on and played.
The End

"The Sub From Hell" belongs purely to Seth Huber © 1996

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